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Thursday, January 25, 2024

LIBERATION

The deeper you heal, the bigger the liberation.

(that’s a Wisdom Nugget)

The last 2 years of my journey have tipped the scales with more integration and embodiment than actual healing.

Don’t get me wrong - healing occurs on a daily basis with me but after doing the deepest work I’ve ever done the last 2 years, I rested last year and allowed myself to surrender to embodying all I had received.

What began happening was wild, and it started in 2022 after living in what felt like the soul crushing devastation of divorce.

Back then I was in full surrender to allowing the darkness rise up and out. Every hidden shadow that tucked nicely into secret compartments in my heart bubbled to the surface.

There was no gentle request to heal; this was mandated by my soul. Do not pass go, do not collect anything until you heal this shit, Monique.

So I did.

Over and over and over again, surrendering to healing like a fighter taking blow after blow in the ring knowing that bloodied and battered, is going to win in the end.

And then November 2022 came and the clouds parted. I can’t describe it any other way than what it would feel like being lost at sea for months, then suddenly being washed ashore and waking up on a beautiful yet unfamiliar island.

That was me - I was the island.

Uncharted territory I hadn’t been to before, suddenly seeing and feeling the beauty within myself for the first time. It was all so new. So unexplored. So delicious.

For the first time ever in my whole life, I felt ALIVE.

Like truly living and breathing; the total opposite holding your breath and waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly Surrender wasn’t a painful, meangirl bitch; I saw that she was good, so so good. She was the mother I always needed - firm yet loving. And so I invited her back in, and She became my guide.

She told me what to do next, and because I could now trust her, I would do it.

First up: a nude-illusion art piece. (If you’ve been with me a bit, you’ve seen some of the photos).

She told me exactly what to do and who to ask to collaborate with me in it. There was no fear - only pure palpable joy in rolling around and playing in paint and creating art…and being the art.

This is where “I Am the Art AND the Artist, the Maker AND the Muse” was born.

Surrender told me to share them without fear of shame or judgment, and I did. The whole session was more medicine for me, and healing was suddenly FUN because it didn’t feel like healing.

WISDOM NUGGET:

When you heal the shadows, you can be free to receive the nourishment from the Light.

I had reconnected to my Creator within, and holy fuck was that lick of freedom delectable. I wanted more.

But She knew I wasn’t ready yet.

Surrender had me dive headfirst into my womb, throat and yoni I healing (that I had resisted for 2+ years), committing to further alchemizing any remaining stagnant energies in my sacred portal spaces. It was done with such pure, loving intention. I was committing to myself in a way I never had before. Loving myself in ways I never had. Learning myself in ways I didn’t know were possible. Accepting myself in ways I always thought I needed from others.

And THAT process was like injecting super fuel into my transformation.

It opened me up even deeper into seeing Me, loving Me, and BEing Me.

It cracked my heart wide open, the frequency of love bursting out of me and spewing everywhere like an uncontrollable fire hose.

Parched, I soaked in it.

It took me back to old patterns, it allowed me to re-examine my words, my commitments, my boundaries and really ask myself the deepest question:

WHY?

As I surrendered over and over, 2023 felt confusing. I almost felt lost again, after thinking I had found myself for the first time. It was weird, and honestly a little disheartening.

What Surrender was doing was forcing me into the ultimate blind faith trust fall.

And I fell and fell and fell and fell.

In ways that humbled me, every one of them necessary to strip me of the remaining masks I clung to. I wasn’t even wearing them; just hoarding them.

Anything that remained that wasn’t true to the purity of Me had to go.

Things, ways, patterns, thoughts, belief systems, and probably the most painful: some people.

But all of it was replaced with forcing me to receive help, guidance, love and support from friends, family, lovers and strangers.

I felt like Alice in Wonderland, honestly.

And then suddenly, November 2023, like clockwork to a year before, I woke up again, on a new island…

and the island was Me.

Even more alive, with a steadiness, a fierceness, and a loyalty to my dear Surrender like never before.

And she told me what to do next, and this photoshoot was it.

I had moved into the frequency of sensuality, of embracing my sexualness, and allowing it to create a balm that was mixed with Love and Intention and smelled like delight.

I slathered it on and haven’t taken it off since.

Women often will look at an outfit and say or think “That would never fit me; I could never pull that off.”

It turns out that pure, unadulterated, healed Liberation fits me like a glove.

And if you’re open to Surrender leading you there, Liberation will fit you like a glove, too.

- Monique

LOVE FULL OUT